I gotta know.......

Dana ♥

The Centenary Diamond
#21
remember, this is a jewelry forum.

one of the main reasons i joined this place to begin with - and the main reason i stayed - was the lack of drama.
 
#22
DaynaM said:
avafox said:
My thoughts entirely!! Why don't the moderators delete offensive posts but not lock the whole thread. Support for someone who has lost their fur baby is entirely different to asking for relationship advice!
Then the problem becomes one of what the moderator thinks is offensive, you might not. Or vice versa. Then people get angry with the moderators. I've seen it happen, here and on other forums. I've seen plenty of posts in the "Life After Sparklies" section where a member posts about something sad happening in their life, and people respond in private messages. You CAN get support from your friends here. But in private.

We would all understand even clearer if we'd been members back when things were very dark around here. It wasn't always such a positive and friendly forum to hang out on. That's why the no moral support/no religion etc rules came about. Seems over the top, but some people went too far. I had questions about this when I first joined too, and someone referenced a thread from years ago... and it was worse than those PS threads that get snarky and have us commenting over here about how mean so and so was, etc.

Heck, I've seen mini cat fights start here over the Asha vs Moissy preference. Seriously. They're sparkly, they're beautiful, and it comes down to personal preference. But some people got really really upset about it, or what they deemed to be mis-information about their preferred stone... but was really just someone with their opinion.

So, it's safer to post our joys, successes, sparklies, weight loss, babies born, etc, and leave the issues requiring support to the close friends you personally make on the forums, through private messages. You might have something bad happen, and have 50 members post condolences in the thread... but it only takes ONE person being nasty or judgemental to ruin the whole support experience and take the forum back to the dark ages. And LessW and the Mods know that 99.5% of members are supportive, helpful and kind to each other. They're just trying to keep it that way so that the odd person who would attack another can't have that opportunity.
DaynaM this is bang on!!!!
 
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#23
Dana ♥ said:
remember, this is a jewelry forum.

one of the main reasons i joined this place to begin with - and the main reason i stayed - was the lack of drama.
+1 - I have learned a tremendous amount about jewellery and have learned to appreciate shapes and colours I previously would not even have considered! I want to keep learning and happily ogling everyone's amazing pieces without drama.
 
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Deia

Omniscient
#24
Ok, with that logic one should just remove all the non Jewelry related sections on this board. That would seem fair, IMO.

Clearly not everyone sees this place as just a Jewelry board or there wouldn't have been the need to create the other sections. If this place is not meant to have a community feel and is meant to exclusively be an advertising area for particular vendors, then make it that, instead of continously upsetting the people that have a substantial influence over keeping said vendors in business in the first place, with their raves and reviews of the products mentioned on here.

Everything has a positive and a negative, and that sure is true about life. If ppl can share their happiness over non Jewelry related things, then they should also be able to come here and share their sorrows, with people that they have created a bond with.

Also, maybe the newer members just haven't had the experiences here that others have so they do not understand where ppl are coming from. Is it not sad to BTD that this forum is no longer viewed by some to be a fair and trustworthy place to come for information? I've been here long enough to know my own preferences, and have my own judgement on things, but for new joiners that is not the case.

Anyway, I've said enough and certainly more than I wanted to.
 
#25
I have to agree with Valentine. I understand the boards not wanting drama but if we are going to say that this a jewelry forum only then why have a section for other things. I also think that there should be discretion, I highly doubt that "drama" would ensue when people are expressing smpathy over a lost pet and if so then in my opinion that is when the mods should step in. It is cold and I don't like it. It really makes me not want to post here.
 
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#26
Hadley said:
sarabara25 said:
When I first posted about my issues with moco my inbox was flooded with people who had also had poor experiences. I felt that I was mislead by this forum because people are not able to post negative reviews without being attacked or warned that they are breaking a rule.
This same thing happened to me when I shared negative experiences. I received a flood of PMs from others who also felt mistreated but were too intimidated to say so publicly, and I learned that I couldn't really trust the info shared here. What a drag.

Dana ♥ said:
but there are guidelines to follow when posting a negative review, to be sure that it is fair.
But here's the thing I think is pretty universal for us as members... I understand why BTD has a need for a complaint form filed in the correct place. It keeps things from spiraling out. But if those are the rules, why are they not applied both ways, so that a praise form is required in order to recommend a vendor?

Shutting down a conversation over praise may seem silly, but please understand that for us as consumers, shutting down a conversation over criticism seems equally silly. If it's ok to say casually in conversation, "I think Vendor X is awesome and I'm impressed with their quality," why isn't it ok to say casually in conversation, "I think Vendor X is a gamble and I'm not impressed with their quality"? If we have praise, we're ok. But if we have criticism, our post gets edited and we are told to fill out a rather cumbersome form that lands in a place where the people involved in the conversation at hand won't see it anyway.

This is where the issue of fairness comes in -- we do often feel misled as consumers and stifled as forum members. Rules are great, but it seems like they aren't applied in a way that promotes healthy debate and honest sharing of experiences.

I believe that it isn't fair to complain about the problem unless you offer up an idea toward a solution. What if there was a rule where members were free to say, "Me likee Vendor X because ______," or "Me no likee Vendor X because _____," as long as the comment is kept under, let's say 50 words? And if you have more than 50 words of venting to do, then you need to fill out a complaint form to post your negative review? Maybe then members would feel they could at least share a little bit without fear of punishment, but keep it from erupting into chaos with everyone running their mouth off willy-nilly.
Hadley you are so good at putting my thoughts eloquently into writing
 
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#27
as a new member this does urk me a little bit.
The good, the bad the ugly.. Surely as long as there is honesty and integrity and a little monitoring, all opinions are valid.

No one should ever feel victimised for speaking their honest opinion, and even moreso if they have already had a negative experience. Not in forums, or in life.

I like it here, It's a sparkly, pretty happy haven for me. I hope my initial opinion of the vendors here and the products are what they are presented as.
 
#29
I agree with Olive we are adults. Along the lines of moral support and rules. Why was one member scolded for being sarcastic (even if they didn't mean to be, and everyone else considered it to be) but the other remarks on the post that were offensive and sarcastic were ignored?
 

Dana ♥

The Centenary Diamond
#30
tone is hard to convey in letters on a screen. what one person sees as sarcastic, another may not, or what one person sees as funny may come across as snarky and inappropriate.
 
#31
I agree Dana. Like text messages, attitude is implied by the readers.

ETA: then how can someone be singled out when someone else does get butt hurt, when the poster of the "sarcastic" comment says I didn't mean it like that, then the person who got thier feelings hurt, say things like oh you act all innocent. UMMM its the internet!
 
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talk-admin

Administrator
Staff member
#34
HI all,
Thanks for feedback here.

But, let me turn the tables a bit here - instead of posting what you don't like, please post what are the changes you would propose to improve things?

All of the current rules were made over time, largely in reaction to recurring problems that were surfacing and were designed to prevent those issues in the future.

One example - the reason for the required checklist for the vendors was because customers were routinely using the boards as a way to get attention/leverage rather than to simply share their experience.

Example - "I emailed XYZ *5* times with NO RESPONSE". Wow, that sounds terrible - and the thread would promptly load up with postings about how XYZ clearly did not value their customers or they would never let this happen, etc.
And then the truth would come out that this customer emailed at 9:45PM Friday night, 9:55PM Friday night, 10:30PM Friday night and two more around 12PM. And then posted the thread early Saturday morning..

In other words, the vendor was closed throughout the weekend, responded to the customer on Monday (or next business day) and didn't even see the thread until Wed. But by that time, the thread had grown and grown for up to 5 days, and the truth of the matter might not get revealed until days later when the vendor had a chance to reply, but along the way their rep was being damaged by the board thread for days when they in fact did everything as any reasonable customer would expect but the thread made them look like they had terrible customer service.

So, bad apples like that were the reason negative feedback posts are expected to show what actions were taken to work with the vendor before posting.

Re: moral support threads - as noted, many of those threads turned into giant slugfests, ironically, and the mods are not here to be full time baby sitters sifting through every post and trying to ascertain who might be offended, why they might be offended, etc.

I think the only way that could come back is what I have seen other boards do and we make a 'no mod' section and everyone agrees 1- you are an adult and you can handle posts you may not like and 2- BTD is not responsible and will not delete/edit or otherwise supervise that section.

Thus, you can post as you like, but don't go running to a mod complaining if someone posts something you don't like. And probably make it a member only viewable forum so random visitors aren't peering in.

Anwyway, you are welcome to post your ideas and I'll certainly run them by the mods if any seem to gain traction. A new thread may be in order for them to discuss, etc.

Best regards,
Less
 
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poppyseed

The Florentine Diamond
#35
I think the only way that could come back is what I have seen other boards do and we make a 'no mod' section and everyone agrees 1- you are an adult and you can handle posts you may not like and 2- BTD is not responsible and will not delete/edit or otherwise supervise that section.
Less, I think this is a great idea and seems to be what many members are asking for.

I think this topic requires its own thread.
 
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kangaroocrazy

The Florentine Diamond
#36
poppyseed said:
I think the only way that could come back is what I have seen other boards do and we make a 'no mod' section and everyone agrees 1- you are an adult and you can handle posts you may not like and 2- BTD is not responsible and will not delete/edit or otherwise supervise that section.
Less, I think this is a great idea and seems to be what many members are asking for.

I think this topic requires its own thread.
LOVE it!! Lets do it!!
 
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#37
Agreed, wonderful idea. I've also seen them where you need 100, 250, or even 500 posts to view to make sure you are not just stirring up trouble or just coming to peek at people's personal issues.
 
#38
poppyseed said:
I think the only way that could come back is what I have seen other boards do and we make a 'no mod' section and everyone agrees 1- you are an adult and you can handle posts you may not like and 2- BTD is not responsible and will not delete/edit or otherwise supervise that section.
Less, I think this is a great idea and seems to be what many members are asking for.

I think this topic requires its own thread.
I agree. I think that is something that would benefit us all. We have all formed relationships with some here and should be allowed to speak our minds.

The whole point to the "life behond sparklies" and others are to talk about things outside of ...well..sparklies. I think the no mods section is a great idea. I also think we should use our own common sense. If we make a post..or see a post that has a topic that we feel might be offensive to us, well then commen sense says DON'T READ IT!! I think we are all adult enough to make that decision on our own.

Some of us come here to learn about jewelery, sure, but more than that we come here because we have learned to trust the opinions of those that we have formed bonds with in doing so.

I recently started a design for the first time in my life. I have never designed or bought a piece of jewelry before that I did not personally walk into a store to see and walk back out with. So in doing so I wanted to pick a vendor that I know has a good reputation and can be counted on to create a piece that I will be completely happy with. I want to be able to pick that vendor because I have opinions and experiences given by the ladies (and/or men) on this forum who I have learned all about jewelery from and know that I can trust. I don't want to have to second guess my vendor and/or design because I find out later experiences that I had depended on to choose my vendor were all censored. That is wrong!

99% (I am guessing, as I don't know the exact number lol) of us on this board do not live near or have the oportunity to visit each of these vendors on this board in person. All we have is the word of others on this board. If the recommendations and experiences that we learn about are not true and acurate, for fear of being banned or shut down, then I can not make my purchase a truly informed one. That is what we are all here for right?

I know I am speaking about the vendor experience part of moderation more than moral support moderation, primarily because this is an issue first and foremost in my mind since I am currently in the midst of it. However, I feel just as strongly about being able to give and recieve support to the members that I have developed a relationships with here. We should not have to feel like we have to do so in secret.

I feel like the moderation gets out of hand sometime. I know that it is just in an effort to keep things "Happy", but sometimes common sense really should come in to play.

I recently had a post I made "edited" with part of it being deleted, because it was thought that I was trying to "sell or inform of my intent to sell" my setting, when in all honesty I was trying to let the OP know that I had a setting that I wasn't using and if she wanted it that I would happily give it to her. Now the mod that edited my post apologized when I explained that, but it did hurt a little. I think that maybe before just outright deleting half my post, she could have pm'd me..or even stated in the thread..that if I was attempting to sell it that it was not allowed. I would have explained and apologized myself for not making it clearer that I inteded to GIVE her the setting. However, instead I had to PM the inteded recepient to let her know what I had posted, since it was deleted.

I know she didn't have any bad intentions with it...it just stung a little though.

I apologize for this BOOK of a post..but since the topic was brought up, I need to give my opinions since both of these things are very recent experiences for me.
 
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#39
I find it really frustrating that real life experiences are not openly discussed here anymore.

It reminds me of banning talk about sims on PS because it upsets the vendors.

Making it not ok or really difficult and heavily modded to post the difficulties you are having with a vendor because it might upset the vendor is shady behaviour.

This board never used to be shady, but over the past five years I have watched it go down hill.

I hang out on the bee now because I value honesty and integrity.

Bad news shouldn't be censored.

The vendors make a lot of money from these boards, what that actually means is they should put effort into monitoring it themselves, you should not censor us for them. They can hire someone to attend to the boards on the weekends if they really need too, I am sure they could even hire one of the girls here for a small fee (it is not unheard of already) but it should be their responsibility to watch out for trouble not our responsibly to shut our mouths and keep secrets to protect them.
 
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