I gotta know.......

Discussion in 'Website feedback' started by sarabara25, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. sarabara25

    sarabara25
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    Alright I really hope this does not get me banned, but it has been on my mind for a few days. What is the issue with giving "moral support?" When I got married I posted pics from my wedding and got many well wishes and congrats, but this weekend when my dog was really ill I felt like I could not share this. There was recently a thread in the pet section that went on for 29 pages. Most of it was of wonderful happy moments in these fur babies lives, but when tragedy struck this family and they lost one of their babies the thread was locked. Why can we only share joy, but recieve no kind words in times of sorrow? I just don't understand.......I feels so cold and heartless. Just my 2 cents.
     
    #1 sarabara25, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
  2. Jezebel_76

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    Sending your lovely fur-baby lots of positives [​IMG]

    (But you already know this! [​IMG] )



    Ps. I agree with you 1000%
    As I KNOW many many many others do too....
     
    #2 Jezebel_76, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
  3. avafox

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    Why is this?? I'm confused too.So sorry to hear your fur baby is poorly. x
     
  4. sarabara25

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    She is better now, thanks!
    I don't know why this is. I get if they don't want a lot of religious statements or soliciting for psyc advice or something but saying "i'm sorry you are having a hard time" is too much moral support? I don't get it.
     
    #4 sarabara25, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
  5. tricksi

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    Because sadly due to issues in the past when someone would post something sad and the replies would go off on unrelated tangents or not be supportive but judgemental. Such as issues of marital problems and posters questioning/suggesting the original posters motive or actions. Noone wants to post their problem and have a total stranger tell them to dump their spouse or the problem is their fault or they should get over it already. And sometimes way too much information was shared totally not appropriate for a jewelry board. Then posters got defensive and nasty in replies and it becomes a mess.

    And then we got questions on how come so and so can state personal problems or sadness and her post is ok but anothers issue is not and gets closed down. So it's best to not go there at all rather than moderate the specific issues individually and try to pick and choose which ones are ok. It always ended up that the person whose issue was locked felt they were being treated unfair as if their problem is not as important as someone elses where the thread remained open.

    So to be fair to everyone, we just don't allow moral support threads. Posters are always free to PM shows of support.
     
  6. poppyseed

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    Geez I would hope you or anyone else would not be banned for asking a question.
     
    #6 poppyseed, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2016
  7. lisaloulou

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    I've seen some of the moral support style threads that tricksi mentioned on other forums and they can get very nasty & aggressive .. I think sometimes people can react to someones elses problem from their own experience or emotional state and it can get out of hand for example : if someone says they aren't in love with their partner anymore they care for them but think they want to separate they are unhappy etc.. and want support.. someone whose partner may have said the same to them and left might react to that same comment from a negative perspective because they were the partner who was hurt by that same scenario.

    Those type of posts are sad to read [​IMG]
     
    #7 lisaloulou, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2016
  8. lisaloulou

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    oh and I'm so sorry to hear about your puppy!! I hope they are ok. x
     
  9. Dana ♥

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    and a reminder that moral support threads will be locked, so please keep that in mind for this particular thread.

    it began with a good question, which also received a good answer.


    thanks!
     
  10. sarabara25

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    I can see the point when it comes to moral issues. I can see why you would not want forums asking for marital advice because you leave the door open for judgements and fights. However, I feel if this forum is going to allow a section for "life beyond sparklees" then we should be able to post about our lives. If you have a pet section where we are allowed to brag about howmuch we love our pets, why can we not get some support when those pets die. I think that the two threads that were shut down recently because people were offering condolences is really sad. I have to disagree with the idea that there should be no support given ever, that is what moderating is....deciding what is appropriate and wheat is not. I have been on many other forums and this is the first time I have ever seen something to this degree.
     
    #10 sarabara25, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
  11. avafox

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    My thoughts entirely!! Why don't the moderators delete offensive posts but not lock the whole thread. Support for someone who has lost their fur baby is entirely different to asking for relationship advice!
     
    #11 avafox, Apr 23, 2013
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  12. crazeemom28

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    I agree!
     
    #12 crazeemom28, Apr 23, 2013
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  13. penguin

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    Then the problem becomes one of what the moderator thinks is offensive, you might not. Or vice versa. Then people get angry with the moderators. I've seen it happen, here and on other forums. I've seen plenty of posts in the "Life After Sparklies" section where a member posts about something sad happening in their life, and people respond in private messages. You CAN get support from your friends here. But in private.

    We would all understand even clearer if we'd been members back when things were very dark around here. It wasn't always such a positive and friendly forum to hang out on. That's why the no moral support/no religion etc rules came about. Seems over the top, but some people went too far. I had questions about this when I first joined too, and someone referenced a thread from years ago... and it was worse than those PS threads that get snarky and have us commenting over here about how mean so and so was, etc.

    Heck, I've seen mini cat fights start here over the Asha vs Moissy preference. Seriously. They're sparkly, they're beautiful, and it comes down to personal preference. But some people got really really upset about it, or what they deemed to be mis-information about their preferred stone... but was really just someone with their opinion.

    So, it's safer to post our joys, successes, sparklies, weight loss, babies born, etc, and leave the issues requiring support to the close friends you personally make on the forums, through private messages. You might have something bad happen, and have 50 members post condolences in the thread... but it only takes ONE person being nasty or judgemental to ruin the whole support experience and take the forum back to the dark ages. And LessW and the Mods know that 99.5% of members are supportive, helpful and kind to each other. They're just trying to keep it that way so that the odd person who would attack another can't have that opportunity.
     
    #13 penguin, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2016
  14. sarabara25

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    I can agree with some of it and see the point but really.....a thread goes on for 29 pages and as soon as there is some sorrow on it BAM locked? Don't you think that is a little cold? I am not going to say that there are not people that would wreck the thread but that is the whole point of having mods. When people attack each other, cross the line ect..they get banned. Just like any other forum. I don't think that having a "happy only" on the outside and complaints and sympathy on the inside (pm) is the make of a healthy forum. When I first posted about my issues with moco my inbox was flooded with people who had also had poor experiences. I felt that I was mislead by this forum because people are not able to post negative reviews without being attacked or warned that they are breaking a rule.
     
    #14 sarabara25, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
  15. Dana ♥

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    [​IMG]


    sure they are. but there are guidelines to follow when posting a negative review, to be sure that it is fair.
     
    #15 Dana ♥, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2016
  16. kangaroocrazy

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    It sure would be nice if you would be given a "warning" before the thread is closed,..I feel that is fair.

    But it feels very cold to just close it,..BAM..case closed..no warning.
     
    #16 kangaroocrazy, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
  17. Hadley

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    This same thing happened to me when I shared negative experiences. I received a flood of PMs from others who also felt mistreated but were too intimidated to say so publicly, and I learned that I couldn't really trust the info shared here. What a drag.

    But here's the thing I think is pretty universal for us as members... I understand why BTD has a need for a complaint form filed in the correct place. It keeps things from spiraling out. But if those are the rules, why are they not applied both ways, so that a praise form is required in order to recommend a vendor?

    Shutting down a conversation over praise may seem silly, but please understand that for us as consumers, shutting down a conversation over criticism seems equally silly. If it's ok to say casually in conversation, "I think Vendor X is awesome and I'm impressed with their quality," why isn't it ok to say casually in conversation, "I think Vendor X is a gamble and I'm not impressed with their quality"? If we have praise, we're ok. But if we have criticism, our post gets edited and we are told to fill out a rather cumbersome form that lands in a place where the people involved in the conversation at hand won't see it anyway.

    This is where the issue of fairness comes in -- we do often feel misled as consumers and stifled as forum members. Rules are great, but it seems like they aren't applied in a way that promotes healthy debate and honest sharing of experiences.

    I believe that it isn't fair to complain about the problem unless you offer up an idea toward a solution. What if there was a rule where members were free to say, "Me likee Vendor X because ______," or "Me no likee Vendor X because _____," as long as the comment is kept under, let's say 50 words? And if you have more than 50 words of venting to do, then you need to fill out a complaint form to post your negative review? Maybe then members would feel they could at least share a little bit without fear of punishment, but keep it from erupting into chaos with everyone running their mouth off willy-nilly.
     
    #17 Hadley, Apr 23, 2013
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  18. avafox

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    Yes!
     
    #18 avafox, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2016
  19. sarabara25

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    Hadley that was very well said.
     
  20. Deia

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    If the rules for no moral support were applied, let's say in 2003, 10 years ago, when there were issues with people going overboard, don't we think it's time to reassess if the "rules" are still applicable or valid instead of blindly applying these rules without actually thinking and asking questions? Things change in 10 years, these new wrinkles of mine tell me so...
     
    #20 Deia, Apr 24, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016

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